Kids

I didn't know happiness till I had my son. Sure I thought I was happy and fulfilled, but I wasn't. I didn't know love until he came along. I thought I knew what it meant to love and give your whole heart to someone, I didn't. I thought I knew how to enjoy life and live each day to its fullest, no I didn't. When my little boy came along my world was flipped upside down. Laughing never felt so good, smiling never felt as warm. I have a love for him I didn't know existed until he came along. Parents used to always tell me these things but I looked at their kids and had to take their word for it cause frankly most kids drove me nuts...until that is, I had one. I rejoice when I see a poopie diaper cause that means he is meeting his "quota". I proudly walk around with bits of throw up and pee somewhere on my clothes and it doesn't matter. My son smiles and my heart skips a beat or more like melts. I hold him everyday and squeeze really tight and thank God for every day that I have with him. I will stand there doing the same silly thing for an hour if Jake likes it, even if every bone in my body says "Stop! No more!" Can't remember the last time I had a hot or even lukewarm meal. Not to mention sleeping longer than 5 hours before waking up cause his pacifer has fallen out. (We are working on that one) I could go on and on, and for those of you who have kids you know what I mean and I am sure you feel the same way. My mom gave me a big hug the other day and I realized that she loves me the way I love my son, so I squeezed a little harder cause if I were hugging Jake I would want him to do that. My parents have loved me this much my whole life? I never knew it, but how could I? I have never loved like this until I had my own. So God loves me this much even though I never loved Him back? i mean really love Him the way it's supposed to be. How could I? I never knew what it was like to love until 6 months ago when I was holding Jake in my arms. And God has worn my "throw up", my bad attitudes, lack of pretty much everything on His sleeves, loving me long before I even knew how to love Him. And honestly? I probably still can't love Him the way I should cause does any child love their parents they way their parents love them? No. It's impossible.